Comments on: November is National Adoption Awareness Month

By: Riley

Riley — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 00:51:06 +0000

Thanks for the info. I just forwarded this on to a couple of friends who are interested in adoption.

By: Mark Diebel

Mark Diebel — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 13:43:02 +0000

There are “thousands” of caring professionals and “children everywhere need stable families,” and, your children didn’t have anyone visiting them? Your point then is that the adoption industry needs no one looking at it or thinking about it globally? So you dismiss Mirah Riben’s comments so quickly?

Adoption isn’t all bad and there are indeed children who need to be adopted… it sounds as if your were. I think that your children made a choice to be with you but they certainly didn’t make a choice to find themselves in that position. Relinquishment was imposed upon them.

Adoption is a complex social reality that will bear a great deal of study. It has nothing to fear from critics. Neither do you because criticizing adoption is not about you personally. It isn’t about your children.

However, reading your article and checking a couple of your links, reading your reply… I think a little homeschooling on adoptees and adoptee experiences might balance things out. Your kids could benefit from parents who advocate for them through-out their adult lives too.

By: learningathome

learningathome — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 02:25:51 +0000

Yes, my kids did have a say in it. Four of our children were adopted, all at an older age. They all had experienced orphanage life, and when they had the opportunity to choose, they chose life in a family, thank you very much. It has not always been easy or perfect for any of us, but their future here is more promising than it would have been there. You state a statistic of 80% of children in orphanages having family who visit. I would question that number. We certainly didn’t see families lining up to visit. Our children didn’t see them either.
I would agree that poverty is a contributing factor to families falling apart, but we can’t let children languish in orphanages and state care while we try to figure out how to put a chicken in very pot.
There are likely “bad apples” in the adoption business, but there are also thousands of caring professionals who want to find homes for the millions of children world wide who don’t have anyone to tuck them in at night or snuggle them in the morning, read them a story or do all the other little things parents are supposed to do to show children they love them. Children everywhere need stable families.

By: Mirah Riben

Mirah Riben — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:01:54 +0000

Was the leap of faith really yours AND your children’s? Did they have say in the process?

It is important that we rocognzie that adoption has at least three points of view:

- that of the those who seek adoption, albeit often as a last resort after all atempts of birthing a child have failed

- that of the mother and her family who will forever grieve the loss a child they were often not offered option and support to parent and may have been pressured or coerced into relinquishing, and

- that of the adoptee who had no say in the matter whatsoever and lives with feelings of rejection of abandonment as well as, often, genealogical bewilderment and is forever denied access ot their own identity (in all but half a dozen states)

We need to always consider the rights of chidlren to remain in their families first before we promote or celebrate their separation by adoption, despite the joy that may bring another.

It is thus important to remember that for everyone for whom there is joy in adption, every adoption begins with a tragedy and your joy represents another’s irrevocable loss and a great deal of pain. The majority of adoption here and abroad are a result of poverty, not abuse, neglect or abandonment. Worldwide, 80% of chidlren in orphanages have family who visit and hope for their return.

This is why UNICEF proclaims that “adoption should be a last resort” and the UN CRC advocates all methods of keeping families together must be exhausted first before adoption by non-relatives is considered.

Adoption today is often corrupt…exploiting mothers and commodifying children to meet a demand. It is the reposnsibility of anyone considering adoption to ascertain without any doubt that the child they are taking is indeed an orphan orthat his mother was offered every opportunity to parents, or was in fact deemed unfit and no other family is available.

The best - and cheapest way - to ensure this is to adopt form the foster care system where over 100,00 chidlren could benefit from your loving care.

Mirah Riben, author, THE STORK MARKET: America’s multi-billion dollar unregulated adoption industry. http://www.AdvocatetPublications.com

member, Board of Directors, Origins-USA.org