Every year we do things a little bit differently. And even though we are not held strictly to a traditional school schedule, it just seems like the big changes always get a trial run in the fall.

This year, I have a new guidebook to serve as the basis for our curriculum, The Guide to Pirate Parenting. With Tim Bete’s book, we will certainly be sailing in uncharted homeschool territory.

If you choose to homeschool your children as pirates, your children can study vocabulary lessons (plundering vs. pillaging), health and hygiene (well, maybe not), geography (tips on where to maroon a disobedient child), science (how to remove an octopus from your child’s hair) and nutrition (hardtack and shark, yum!). For those interested in a more vocational approach, there is information on how to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner. Of course, if you do that, you will want to find an appropriate name for your ship.

I actually came across The Guide to Pirate Parenting when I found out about Talk Like a Pirate Day last year. (I should remind you that Talk Like a Pirate Day is just around the corner, on September 19. I know you don’t want to be caught unprepared for that one). I didn’t think of using the book as a homeschool resource until recently. My little boys are getting bigger, and you know, boys are interesting creatures.

There are ways to find out if your kids are, by nature, pirates. You can take the quiz here or you can sit down for dinner together and keep an eye open.

Bete provides some clues as to what to look for at the dinner table if it happens that you have pirates on your crew in your family. You might hear things like:

(10) “You can flog me, but I’m not eating creamed spinach.”

(9) “I’ve buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes.”

(8) “I’ll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas.”

(7) “Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck.”

(6) “This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days.”

(5) “I wouldn’t serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig.”

(4) “If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?”

(3) “This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast.”

(2) “Too many vegetables—too little shark.”

(1) “What did they do with the last cook’s body after he was hung from the yardarm?”

If it turns out that you are harboring a pirate around your parts, Cap’n Billy and Tim Bete have some good advice for you. You could even work it into your homeschool routine.

I started thinking, though, maybe I could just save the effort and send them to public school for their socialization instead. I suspect the results would be about the same.

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